Phelps wins his fifth gold in Beijing

Michael Phelps ended all the historical debates on Wednesday when he won two more swimming golds, bringing his Beijing tally to five and his overall haul to eleven.

The 23 year-old from Baltimore has now surpassed the most golds and medals in Olympic history by an individual. Paavo Nurmi, Carl Lewis, gymnast Larissa Larynina and swimmer Mark Spitz all won nine golds during their careers. But there remained the little matter of Raw Ewry, who won ten golds a century ago. However, there have always been two caveats for Olympic statisticians.

EDITOR’S CHOICE
Olympic ceremony singer faked performance - Aug-12In depth: Beijing Olympics - Apr-07Editorial Comment: Olympic trickery - Aug-12Results darken Russian mood - Aug-12Phelps ascends to the Olympic pantheon - Aug-12Hong Kong shakes off its games slumber - Aug-12Ewry of the USA won three of those golds in what has become known as the Intercalated Games of 1906 (between Paris 1904 and London 1908), when the Greeks were attempting to establish a permanent home for the Games in Athens. Furthermore, Ewry won his golds in the standing high, long and triple jumps, events which were abandoned immediately after London, theoretically as anachronisms, but partly due to Ewry’s domination. In Ewry’s defence, his 1.655m or 5’5” in 1904 would have won silver in the regular high jump in Athens 1896.

Phelps had a busy day on Wednesday, even by his standards. He was matched for at least half of the 200m butterfly by the unheralded Moss Burmeister of New Zealand, swimming in an outside lane. But Phelps’ famous surge in the final length of the pool saw everyone off, and he won in one minute 52.03sec. Inevitably, it was another world record, but only the fourth of the morning at that juncture, having been preceded by two men’s 100m freestyle semis, and the gold medal winning performance of Italian, Federica Pellegrini in the women’s 200m free, with 1.54.82. In second place, Sara Isakovic won Slovenia’s first ever swimming medal, and Pang Jiaying of China won bronze.

Phelps revealed after the 200m butterfly that he had been swimming virtually blind in the second half of the race. “I couldn’t see anything for the last 100,” he said. “My goggles pretty much filled up with water. It just kept getting worse and worse, and I was having trouble seeing the walls. I wanted to break the record, and go 1.51 or better. But for the circumstances, I guess it’s not too bad.”

The best race of the day was the women’s 200m individual medley, in which Stephanie Rice of Australia came from behind in the final metres to beat defending champion, Kirsty Coventy of Zimbabwe by 14/100ths of a second, in 2.08.45. It was Rice’s second gold of the week, the Aussie having won the 400m in similar fashion on Monday, also beating Coventry into silver medal spot.

Phelps’ second gold came in the 4x200m relay. Having been beaten into third in the opening leg of the 4x100m freestyle two days ago, and contributed to a near defeat by France, Phelps made no mistake today, handing over to colleague, Ryan Lochte two full bodylengths and two and half seconds ahead of Patrick Murphy of Australia. After that, it was a procession up and down the pool, the US squad pulling further and further ahead. The first team to break the seven-minute barrier for the event, they won in 6.58.56 to set another world record.

There remain three minor items and one major on Phelps’ agenda. If he wins golds in his three remaining events, one of which is a relay, that will make eight, beating Spitz’s seven from Munich 1972. And Phelps’ sponsor will have to cough up $1 million for that achievement.

If Apple can disable third party apps remotely, who’s iPhone is it, anyway?

From the company that brought you “bricking your phone for using it the way you want …,” The Giz is reporting a rumor that Apple has the ability to remotely disable applications that they don’t consider worthy or approved. The ability comes from the fact that Cupertino has written in the OS for the iPhone to “phone home” on occasion and get updated with a “blacklist” of applications that shouldn’t belong on the phone. It then proceeds to disable those applications. Swell. Who’s phone is it again?


The instruction was found by Jonathan Zdziarsi, the author of iPhone Forensics, and he states that it’s Hidden deep in the OS, under “CoreLocation” in a file called https://iphone-services.apple.com/clbl/unauthorizedApps. So far, according to Zdziarsi, the instruction only acts as a sort of anti virus or spyware instruction – disabling malicious applications that are either unauthorized by the phone’s owner (who is that again? Steve Jobs?) and that can do serious damage to the phone or even steal the users identity. That’s the party line anyway. But what would stop Apple from disabling say … MagicPad because it doesn’t like the cut and paste availability, or an app that uses the GPS to provide turn by turn directions in violation of Apple’s EULA (and wouldn’t it be swell if it did it right in the middle of a roadtrip).

And shouldn’t Cupertino have mentioned this in the product literature or even the phone’s manual instead of burying this command deep inside the code? And who pays for the cell phone call everytime iPhone calls home to talk to little Steve?

In Car Charger has USB ports to spare

Considering that many of our mobile electronics have USB ports for charging, it is not always convenient to find a spare USB port, especially when traveling on the road.

I suppose this is why the In car charger has USB ports, four of them actually. This In car charger plugs right into the cigarette lighter, and now the user can plug in an iPod, mobile phone, digital camera, GPS device, or any other USB device that he or she needs on the open road.

The charger works within a range of 12-24 volts, and a fuse that can be changed out. I suppose this is very useful for people constantly on the road, like truckers, but only if the user doesn’t smoke.

If you’re confused by that last sentence, just try to imagine lighting a cigarette when you’ve got four cords plugged in to this In car charger. If you’re not too careful, you’ll burn a USB wire when you put the lighter back in the socket.

If you are the type who has multiple gadgets, and needs to take them on the road, then this is probably what you need. You can get it on the USBFever website for about $22.99.

AMD announces the ATI Radeon HD 4870 2x the worlds fastest graphics card

AMD has announced the "worlds fastest graphics card," the ATI Radeon HD 4870 X2. The graphics card delivers 2.4 teraFLOPs of processing power, and 2GB of memory designed to handle your games at a frame rate and quality greater than other graphics cards on the market. Brent Justice at HardOCP said, "Our gameplay experiences with the ATI Radeon HD 4870 X2 were phenomenal, especially once we raised the antialiasing setting to high levels… Who would have thought we'd ever be seeing Oblivion at 2560×1600 with 24X AA? This means you can load up old games and set crazy high AA settings

DIY Self-Watering Garden

DIY web site Instructables details how to keep your plants healthy by building a self-watering planter from a couple of plastic IKEA storage boxes. The concept is simple. Two boxes are nested inside one another; the bottom box holds the water, and wicks made from string carry the water into the top portion, where the soil and plants live. All you need to do is make sure the bottom portion has enough water, and the rest should take care of itself. If your forgetful green thumb tends to turn things brown, this self-watering planter might be the perfect project. If you're looking to go really advanced, check out how to build an automated drip watering system.

New enhancements on the Google content network

Today we're announcing some key enhancements on the Google content network (partner sites for which we provide advertising) that will offer a better experience for users and better value for advertisers and publishers. These enhancements are the latest result of our integration with DoubleClick and our commitment to making advertising on the Google content network more efficient and accountable. When we purchased DoubleClick, we talked about how we would empower agencies, advertisers and publishers to collaborate more efficiently and effectively, and provide a better experience for our users. We are happy that we have been able to deliver on this promise already, like support for third party vendors on the Google content network.

The new enhancements that we are announcing today and that will be available in the coming months are the next step in our integration and in enabling standard industry functionality on the Google content network:

Frequency Capping: Enables advertisers to control the number of times a user sees an ad. Users will have a better experience on Google content network sites because they will no longer see the same ad over and over again.
Frequency Reporting: Provides insight into the number of people who have seen an ad campaign, and how many times, on average, people are seeing these ads.
Improved Ads Quality: Brings performance improvements within the Google content network.
View-Through Conversions: Enables advertisers to gain insights on how many users visited their sites after seeing an ad. This helps advertisers determine the best places to advertise so users will see more relevant ads.
We are enabling this functionality by implementing a DoubleClick ad-serving cookie across the Google content network. Using the DoubleClick cookie means that DoubleClick advertisers and publishers don't have to make any changes on their websites as we continue our integration efforts and offer additional enhancements. This also means that with one click, users can opt out of a single cookie for both DoubleClick ad serving and the Google content network. (If a user has already opted out of the DoubleClick cookie, that opt-out will also automatically apply to the Google content network.)

To learn more, you can check out our updated main privacy policy and a new advertising-specific privacy policy that reflects our integration with the DoubleClick ad serving cookie, and you can visit a section in our Privacy Center devoted to advertising and privacy.

We're excited about our integration of DoubleClick and the improvements we're making to the Google content network. And I am personally excited about seeing more relevant ads, especially if I don't have to see the same ads over and over!

MiniLyrics Automatically Fetches and Displays Lyrics for Your Media Player

Windows only: The MiniLyrics plug-in automatically downloads and displays lyrics for the currently playing song for a handful of the most popular media players. With support for everything from iTunes and Windows Media Player to Winamp and MediaMonkey, MiniLyrics fetches lyrics and—when possible—plays them back karaoke-style. The interface is completely skinnable, and you're likely to find a skin matching your preferred media player. You can also view floating lyrics in big red text for large, line-by-line playback of lyrics in time with the song. Not bad for a little impromptu karaoke or just a quick glance at the lyrics of a song. MiniLyrics is nagware, Windows only. For alternatives, check out

Al Gore Places Infant Son In Rocket To Escape Dying Planet

EARTH—Former vice president Al Gore—who for the past three decades has unsuccessfully attempted to warn humanity of the coming destruction of our planet, only to be mocked and derided by the very people he has tried to save—launched his infant son into space Monday in the faint hope that his only child would reach the safety of another world.

"I tried to warn them, but the Elders of this planet would not listen," said Gore, who in 2000 was nearly banished to a featureless realm of nonexistence for promoting his unpopular message. "They called me foolish and laughed at my predictions. Yet even now, the Midwest is flooded, the ice caps are melting, and the cities are rocked with tremors, just as I foretold. Fools! Why didn't they heed me before it was too late?"

Al Gore—or, as he is known in his own language, Gore-Al—placed his son, Kal-Al, gently in the one-passenger rocket ship, his brow furrowed by the great weight he carried in preserving the sole survivor of humanity's hubristic folly.

"There is nothing left now but to ensure that my infant son does not meet the same fate as the rest of my doomed race," Gore said. "I will send him to a new planet, where he will, I hope, be raised by simple but kindly country folk and grow up to be a hero and protector to his adopted home."

As the rocket soared through the Gore estate's retractable solar-paneled roof—installed three years ago to save energy and provide emergency rocket-launch capability in the event that Gore's campaign to save Earth was unsuccessful—the onetime presidential candidate and his wife, Tipper, stood arm-in-arm, nobly facing their end while gazing up in stoic dignity at the receding rocket, the ecosystem already beginning to collapse around them.

In the final moments before the Earth's destruction, Gore expressed hope that his son would one day grow up to carry on his mission by fighting for truth, justice, and the American way elsewhere in the universe, using his Earth-given superpowers to become a champion of the downtrodden and a reducer of carbon emissions across the galaxy.

"Perhaps he will succeed where I have failed," Gore said.

Despite the child's humble beginnings, experts predict the intergalactic journey may have some extraordinary effects on Kal-Al's physique, eyesight, and, potentially, his powers of quiet, sensible persuasion.

"On his new planet, Kal-Al's Earth physiology will react to the radiation of a differently colored sun, causing him to develop abilities far beyond those of mortal men," political analyst Sig Schuster said. "He will be faster than a speeding Prius, stronger than the existing Superfund program, and able to leap mountains of red tape in a single bound. These superpowers will sustain him in his never-ending battle against conservatives, wealthy industrialists, and other environmental supervillains."

Although Gore and his wife voiced regrets that they could not accompany their son on his journey, they tried their best to equip Kal-Al for life on his new planet, providing the infant with a Keynote slide-show presentation of all human knowledge, a self-growing crystal fortress from which to monitor glacier shrinkage, and a copy of Al Gore's 1992 bestseller, Earth In The Balance.

The baby was also wrapped in a blanket emblazoned with the Gore family crest, which, because it is made of Earth materials, will be invulnerable on the new planet. It is hoped that one day it will be fashioned into a colorful costume for the boy to wear while fighting wrongdoers.

"In brightly hued tights, it will be harder for people there to ignore him when he takes on his new planet's lobbyists, auto manufacturers, and enemies of justice," Schuster said. "A bold and eye-catching unitard will give Kal-Al, last son of Earth, a formidable tool for protecting his new planet, a power more awesome than any his father could have dreamed of: the power of charisma."

Local Idiot To Post Comment On Internet

HAZEL PARK, MI—In a statement made to reporters earlier this afternoon, local idiot Brandon Mylenek, 26, announced that at approximately 2:30 a.m. tonight, he plans to post an idiotic comment beneath a video on an Internet website.

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Mylenek, a moron, prepares to publicly address the "dumbest shiz [he's] evr seen!!!1!"
"Later this evening, I intend to watch the video in question, click the 'reply' link above the box reserved for user comments, and draft a response, being careful to put as little thought into it as possible, while making sure to use all capital letters and incorrect punctuation," Mylenek said. "Although I do not yet know exactly what my comment will entail, I can say with a great degree of certainty that it will be incredibly stupid."

Mylenek, who rarely in his life has been capable of formulating an idea or opinion worth the amount of oxygen required to express it, went on to guarantee that the text of his comment would be misspelled to the point of incomprehension, that it would defy the laws of both logic and grammar, and that it would allege that several elements of the video are homosexual in nature.

"The result will be an astonishing combination of ignorance, offensiveness, and sheer idiocy," Mylenek said.

According to the idiot, he will become incensed at the quality and sentiment of the comments already posted below the video—which will include such replies as "not great, nice try tho," "FIRSTIES!!!" and "wtf?? lol so random." At this point, Mylenek said, he will feel a deep, unwavering desire to offer a dissenting opinion, which he has hinted will include the words "gay" and "reatrd" [sic].

"It is my moral obligation to alert the Internet community to the fact that this video is totally gay, and furthermore, that the individual who made it is a fag," Mylenek said.

Pressed for further details regarding his intended post, Mylenek, who will comment under the Internet pseudonym "xblingdaddy2005x," revealed that there is a strong possibility he will inadvertently post the comment twice.

"After clicking the 'submit' button, I will immediately refresh the page so that I can view my own comment. I will then notice that my comment has not appeared because the server has not yet processed my request, become angry and confused, and re-post the same comment with unintentional variations on the original wording and misspellings, creating two slightly different yet equally moronic comments," he said. "It is my hope that this will illustrate both my childlike level of impatience and my inability to replicate a simple string of letters and symbols 30 seconds after having composed it."

Mylenek confirmed rumors that he will be momentarily sidetracked by another inane task while drafting his comment. The distraction is scheduled to come at 2:25 a.m. in the form of a "related video" link featuring a man being sodomized by a horse, which Mylenek will re-watch seven times and laugh obnoxiously at with his friend and fellow idiot, Steve Blanchette, 28.

"Once this minor diversion is complete, I will finish posting my comment, then sit there like the worthless human being I am and wait for other commenters to respond," he added. "Because, as I mentioned before, I have nothing better to do with my life."

Mylenek said he fully expects that his comment will spawn a series of replies from other idiots around the world, who will either agree with his stance, disagree with his stance, or call Mylenek himself a "d0uche" and post an irrelevant link to a separate video that they will claim to be "way funnier." According to Mylenek, this is all part of the plan.

"We are blessed to be living in an age when we have a global communications network in which idiots, assholes, and total and complete wastes of fucking human life alike can come together to give instant feedback in an unfettered and unmonitored online environment," Mylenek said. "What better way to take advantage of this incredible technology than to log onto the Internet and insult a complete stranger?"

According to media critic Judy Turner, this type of behavior is not uncommon among idiots.

"Brandon's comments in particular contain a degree of unoriginality and stupidity that you only see in the most muttonheaded and imbecilic Internet commenters," Turner said. "In fact, I've seen him use at least a dozen variations of the word 'gay.' Suffice it to say, Brandon Mylenek is a truly stupid, stupid idiot."

Mylenek concluded his press conference with a solemn vow to uphold the awful, unintelligible, anger-inducing quality of his past Internet comments.

"I promise everyone that this post will be exactly what you have come to expect from an idiot like myself," he said, "and that I will check my comment regularly so that I can call everyone who says it's stupid a fag."